remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
