..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
