You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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