god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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