There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
