Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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