How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
