i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
