sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
