Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(631): View more from New York

I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday

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(863): View more from Florida

you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.

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