forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
pray to the hookup gods
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
