Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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