i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
