I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
