I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
soo... how was my night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize