I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
