You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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