so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
