so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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