I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bring me that man meat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
