Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
