you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did i just pee glitter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
