I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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