It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
