I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
