Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
