All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
