she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
