I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
