I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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