Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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