I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
