I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
