I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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