He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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