Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck appropriateness.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
