The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
