I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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