when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
