I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
love makes seman taste better
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize