My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
im on a boat
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