Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
