i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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