i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
