You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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