Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
