Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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