Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize