Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
