So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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