her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
