the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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