some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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