Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
