sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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