I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet he comes in French.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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