dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it because I queefed?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
