she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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