Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
