im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Help me help you realize you are a moron
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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