Where did you get a picture of my penis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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