I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize