It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize