just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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