Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
