Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
