i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
