was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
