Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
