i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
last night I used snow as a chaser
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
