You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
