Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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