wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
