Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize