god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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