I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
