Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
