When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
