did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
