he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
