Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
