I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize