the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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