Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
