dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
