Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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