So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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