I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
