It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
