you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
40s are totally the cure
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
