is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
