I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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