dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
