Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
