I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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