Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
