have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
