It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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