I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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